How to instantly overcome procrastination, self-sabotage, self-doubt
and start seeing the results you deserve!
Why is it that most people fail? Why do people set goals and consistently fall short of them? What does it mean when somebody says, “I feel out of alignment”? Why is it that 100% of people raise their hand and say, “I want to be wealthy” yet only about 1% ever create wealth? What does it mean to live a fulfilled life? And how do we get there?
I believe understanding one simple concept can completely transform your life, putting you on track to creating the success you desire and deserve. I learned this secret not because I wanted to, but rather because I was struggling and found myself living an unsatisfied life of clocking in and clocking out. I was getting nowhere very slowly and too tired when I wasn’t working to do the things that I enjoy.
It wasn’t until I stumbled upon this one simple secret that life began to change for me From reading Dr. John Demartini’s book, “The Values Factor“.
So What Actually Controls Our Lives?
The Hierarchy of Values was created by Dr. John Demartini, renowned as the world’s foremost authority on human behavior, he has spent decades working with people and understanding what drives them. At its core, the Hierarchy of Values is an understanding that every human has a unique set of values. We place them in order from the things we value most in life to the things we value least. Everyone will have a different combination of values and each of us will rank them in a unique order to ourselves. This hierarchy dictates and determines how we experience the world around us.
For example, in a relationship, there is one partner who values business, leadership, and wealth, and the other’s top values surround the children; their health and education. Say this couple was walking through a mall, one partner could be noticing the new businesses that have popped up, whereas the other would be noticing stores related to the children and their needs. They’re walking through the same environment, yet how they perceive this environment is completely different. The way they experience their environment is dictated by their values.
When you were a kid and you walked into a store, you most likely paid close attention to your parents… that is until you stumbled upon the coolest, shiny toy that lights up and makes noise. However, as an adult… you’re most likely focused on the items you set out to get from that same store. Your values are different.
How These Values Can Help Or Hurt Us…
As time, energy, and money flow into our life, it gets filtered by this same set of values. Concerning our example couple, as the first partner makes more money, it is likely to be put back into their business: investing in becoming a better leader, attending seminars, and so on. This partner is likely to invest the majority of their energy into their business also: hustling, reading work-related books, checking their investment portfolio, and so forth.
Once all of these values have been tended to, this partner will move down their hierarchy, perhaps to take their spouse out for a date, watch a movie with the kids, or hit up a friend for a game of golf. The other partner would spend their time, money, and energy catering to the children and may spend what’s leftover on heading out for a drink with friends or buying something for themself. This is critically important because we all have a finite amount of time, energy, and money.
Why You Don’t Have What You Say You Want…
The hierarchy of values is going to determine how we utilize our most important resources. This is precisely why people say “I would love to be wealthy, but I just don’t have enough money to save every month”. Their money is being filtered through their values. Because they don’t have a high value on saving and building, they’re never going to acquire wealth. If you want to build wealth in the form of money, then you have to value money.
As you continue to experience life and encounter other people, you’ll notice that when people say one thing but do another thing, they are expressing their values. Dr. Demartini suggests that we will typically only manifest and create our top five values. Sometimes, it’s only our top three. While we might say, “I’d love to make more money” “I’d love to start a new business” or “I’d love to lose weight”, until those things are truly at the top of our values, we’ll never actually do them.
This is why people set goals and don’t stick to them: because they don’t truly value them. They eventually give up because we’ve only got time, energy, and money enough to manifest our top five values. Anything that’s not inside of those we’re going to view as competing against them. We will endure both pleasure and pain in equal proportion to realize our highest values. But as we go further and further down our values, we want only pleasure but no pain.
This is why people say “I want to hit the gym and get in shape” But once it starts getting too painful, it takes too much time, or they get a minor injury, the resolve wears off and the “result” becomes less desirable compared to the pain they must go through to get it. They give in to receive instant pleasure and give up on their goals. If you truly value something, you’ll endure both pleasure and pain in the pursuit of it.
Why Motivation is Nonsense
What you genuinely value has nothing to do with motivation. A lot of internet gurus promote the idea of “hustle, hustle, hustle”. My own Grandpa used to say, “If you did come home dirty you really didn’t work.” The truth is that you’ll rarely find energy for the things that you don’t value in life. People say “I’ve got ADD” when in actuality, they have attention deficit disorder for things that they don’t value. You will always have an attention surplus for the things that are most important to you. When it comes to the top five things on your hierarchy, nobody needs to wake you up every day and tell you to do it. When you’re speaking words like “I need to, I have to, I’ve got to, I should”, you’re not living a life that’s inspired. It’s a very clear sign that you’re trying to live by somebody else’s set of values, not your own.
Motivation never lasts because it is an external factor.
You need motivation to do things you don’t value. It’s better to have inspiration than motivation. Inspiration fuels you unconditionally. Nobody will have to keep you accountable when you’re inspired from within to do it. When you’re inspired, you say things like “I’d love to, I desire to, I want to, I can’t wait to”. Pay attention to those things. Those are the clues that you’re living in your values. Figure out the things that you always make time for and lose track of time doing, those are the things that are high on your Hierarchy of values.
What Does it Mean to Live an Inspired Life?
It means you are fulfilling your values and not trying to live by somebody else’s values. Media, society, parents, siblings, role models, and people we respect also influence what we think we’re “supposed” to do with our lives. They tell us how we should be spending our time and money and can leave us feeling like we’ve failed if we’re not embodying someone else’s values. We’ve defined success by what society and the media say it is. Living by someone else’s values is a form of self-sabotage. It’s not true to who you are.
When somebody says they feel out of alignment, what they’re saying is they are setting goals they would like to have, but their values are not aligning with their goals. They feel like there’s something more out there for them but they are not fulfilling it. This is because they measure themselves based on everybody else’s values around them. Social Media plays a large role in this…
Being in alignment means your goals align with your values.
How to Live A Fulfilled Life
Our values are not static. They’re dynamic, they change over time. Ultimately, we can create goals that are in alignment with our values or we can align our values with our goals. We can do this by understanding that something that seems like it could conflict with our values could actually complement them. For example, if you value your business but neglect going to the gym perhaps you need the revelation that improving your health will give you the energy and brainpower to advance your business.
If you want to live a fulfilled life, understand your values and live a life based on them. You will always feel liberated, free, and inspired. Nobody will have to motivate you. There’s a journey to this. You won’t magically arrive at it by the end of this blog post. It’s going to take some work to figure out your values and goals and how they relate. If you would like to learn more, In Dr. John Demartini’s book “The Values Factor” he goes into great detail about how you can recognize your own values and live fulfilled by them.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. You are more than welcome to reach out to me if you have any questions or comments.